


grab hold, don't let go

by whoisliina (isaacbahey)



Series: grab hold [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Hand Jobs, Multi, Sexuality Crisis, Spanking, Voyeurism, some tiny hints to kinks, sort of muke and cashton but there's everything in this, the whole frickin package
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:19:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isaacbahey/pseuds/whoisliina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Luke, it’s not a big deal,” Cal whispers from behind him. “It doesn’t have to be this big scary thing, it can just... be us, you know?”</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>Luke’s laughter sounds forced and maniacal.</i></p><p>  <i>“I didn’t even... How long have you been doing this? Feeling this? Am I the only one who’s straight in this band?” Luke fires in quick succession, then stops suddenly.  His traitorous hard-on, the cause of his current thoughts, seems to be calming down in the face of panic. His next question is very timid and now, he feels cold, but on the inside. “Am I even straight? Why don’t I know?”</i></p><p>---</p><p>This is not how this party was supposed to end up. He didn't expect gay revelations about his bandmates, or the sexuality crisis, or the foursome. But what can you do, really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	grab hold, don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> So I had two days off work...  
> aka what happens when I set out to write 4000 words. ooops it got away from me
> 
> i'd like to thank [this tumblr post](http://asiangreyjoys.tumblr.com/post/86741441338/what-are-the-chances-of-everyone-in-a-group-of) and Luke's penguin obsession that helped set the dynamics straight (ha) in this. you'll know why when you see it in there.
> 
> (i am so weak for the ot4!!!!!!!)

Luke is seriously reconsidering his decision to go clubbing with Ash and Calum.

It works when there’s four or more of them, but Michael claimed to be exhausted (which, in the middle of a world tour, is pretty believable, but he might just need a night for his Pokémon) and now Luke feels like he’s third-wheeling. They’re in Europe so none of their LA friends or their Sydney friends are there, either, and Luke’s only companion is the collection of empty glasses on the table in front of him.

Luke looks at Ashton and Calum, one eyebrow furrowed. They haven’t gone far, only a few feet away from the table they sat at before. They said it was so Luke didn’t have to be alone. Luke scoffs when he remembers that – he feels kind of alone right now. Cal and Ash have the tendency to gravitate around each other even when they’re sober, but it gets a bit ridiculous after a few drinks. Luke hasn’t seen them separated in what feels like hours by now.

And it’s not bro touches, either. Luke would be fine if they threw hands around each other’s shoulders, maybe dance back to back or even hug it out on the dance floor, but no. _No_. They’re literally grinding on each other, Calum’s ass pressed right against Ashton’s crotch and Ash’s hands on Calum’s hips, guiding him with a smile that’s at once serene and fucking filthy. Luke keeps expecting for Ash to blush and pull away when he pops a boner. Luke doesn’t know if Ash is just so straight that Cal’s incessant grinding does nothing to him or if he’s too drunk to get too into it.

Or maybe he actually already has a boner and neither of them cares about it. The longer they dance, the more probable the latter option sounds.

Luke kind of wants Michael here, so he’d have someone to cuddle up to, to whine about Cashton’s dumb gay adventures he can’t seem to look away from and press a few kisses into his neck. He’s not sure what this means, that his bandmates are so down with the grinding, but him wanting to complain about it and have Michael jokingly grope him in response is way less gay. That’s, like, tradition. That’s how their band works. They touch each other a lot. But there are lines, right?

When Calum turns around in Ashton’s arms and their sweaty grinding turns into a sweaty makeout session, Luke orders another drink. He’d consider stopping them before they overstep a line, but 1) according to Luke’s standards, they overstepped all lines a while ago and 2) this isn’t even the first time this has happened. They keep doing this, not just Cal and Ash, but Mikey too, sometimes. Luke has seen them all kiss each other, and not in a jokey way, either. They’ve all made out sloppily and drunkenly in front of Luke: Calum and Ashton, Michael and Ashton, Michael and Calum. All three of them, even, in a weird gay sandwich with Cal in the middle, Michael sucking hickeys into Calum’s neck when Cashton was busy sucking each other’s faces off.

Basically, Luke really should have known better.

And they’ve all tried to kiss him, too. Ash is always very gentle about it, caresses his cheek and smiles before leaning in. Calum tries to sneak it into his dance routine, wrapping his arms around Luke’s neck at some point, bouncing along to the music and then going for it. Michael is the most obnoxious about it, almost forceful in the way he pulls Luke closer at a random moment. Luckily, they all respect Luke and don’t force themselves on him when he always pulls away, shakes his head – he doesn’t know how the rest of them do it, make out one night and be completely nonchalant about it the next day. Luke couldn’t do it, just act like it didn’t happen. It always shakes him somehow when they come that close, looking like they want something other than devoted best-friendship from him. It scares him in a way he’s too scared to try and describe.

He’s not gay or into his bandmates.

He thinks.

Cal and Ash just look aesthetically pleasing like this, and, you know, always. And Mikey, too. They are just pretty boys that Luke likes to spend time with and look at and touch a little sometimes. Luke can handle it without adding any dicks to the equation.

His brain gets fuzzier and a bit less grumpy as time goes on and the collection of glasses increases. Cal and Ash sit down for a while to drink some more and rest a bit and Luke doesn’t grumble at all. Luke sees Calum’s chest thrum with his erratic heartbeat, even though he can’t hear him panting, which he must be, considering his chest is also heaving. Him and Ash stay close to each other, Ash’s hand thrown around Calum’s shoulders, which would be fine with Luke if Calum wasn’t nuzzled into Ashton’s neck. Ash makes conversation with Luke, and he’s warm and happy like usual, almost doesn’t look drunk at all, but he has to be. There’s no way this would be happening if he were sober.

Luke only remembers to check for boners when Calum drags Ash back to the dance floor. He can’t tell from that distance and starts to feel weird about it after a few seconds.

By the time Cal comes back to him, Luke is proper drunk, not enough sense left in him to protest when Cal takes his hand. “Come daaaaaaance,” Cal almost begs him and Luke gives in because of the pitiful look on Calum’s face and the inviting one on Ashton’s. In all honesty, he likes to dance – it gives him a similar feeling to being on stage when he lets himself go. Besides, it’s no fun if he just sits there and keeps drinking. He doesn’t need a hangover.

“Don’t make me third-wheel,” he warns Calum, because that is the only thing he’s careful about, and Calum laughs, which Luke can feel better than hear, being pressed to his side.

“Don’t worry,” Calum says and presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek. Luke laughs. See, this he can deal with. That’s innocent and nice, not huge and dangerous and real.

They don’t make him third-wheel, not at all. Calum herds him right up to Ashton, who puts his hands on Luke’s hips. Calum is right behind him, his hands just above Ashton’s, maybe overlapping a little, and before Luke can protest or react in any way, he’s trapped in a dance sandwich. At least they keep a reasonable distance, close to him but not pressed to him. Just like the stage flirting they do.

“I’m glad you joined us,” Ash says very kindly, a wide smile on his face. Luke smiles back at him – it’s hard not to when Ash is being this warm. Ash takes a stronger hold of his hips, smile a little sneakier, and begins to move properly.

Luke lets himself go pretty quickly – the music is great, he’s having fun, he’s got his best friends with him. It takes him a long time to notice that the dance sandwich is now a grind sandwich, that Calum’s pressed right against his back, his fingers almost completely overlapping Ashton’s on his hips, that his and Ashton’s chests touch every now and then. His brain feels like someone yanked its leash when Ash leans his chin on his shoulder to make out with Calum again, fingers still gripping Luke’s hips.

“Guys,” Luke says quietly and Ash leans closer, pulling away from Calum to smile at Luke. His lips are glossy – with spit, Luke realises – and he looks like he’s off somewhere else. Luke feels a pair of lips on his neck and groans quietly, unable to help it, only to realise a second later the lips belong to Calum. Ash’s fingers are on Luke’s cheek now and Luke knows this trick.

“Guys,” he repeats, a bit more alarmed, but Ash only smiles at him, bright and warm as usual, and pushes their hips together, not quite in a grind but definitely in a strong touch. This is the most forward his bandmates have ever been with their advances. It feels amazing for a few seconds, then takes a sharp turn to horrifying when Luke realises there is at least one erection between him and Ash, and it is in his own pants. It’s officially weird now, he’s made it weird with his dick, and he needs to leave now now _now_.

He pushes Ash away so strongly Ash almost stumbles, and breaks away from Calum’s grip with ease. He has about five seconds until his brain implodes or something, so he makes a beeline toward the front door. Too hot in here, too crowded, he needs to get out, to calm his dick down and stop it from doing weird shit like get hard around his bandmates.

That plan seems sound until Luke realises Cal and Ash are right after him, and the annoyed groan he means to let out is more of a panicked whimper. Ashton is looking at him all worriedly, Cal is already reaching out to him with one hand, and all Luke can focus on is how him and Ash are holding hands.

Ash and Cal hug him when he stops, recreating their sandwich from earlier, and Luke whimpers again, creating distance between his own hips and Ashton’s because his brain hasn’t been able to calm down his dick just yet. Backing up against Calum, however, is not the brightest idea, because Luke becomes aware of another hard-on, which is now pressed against his ass. Luke takes a tiny step forward, feeling trapped. He shivers, and it’s not even cold. This is fucking weird and surreal and Luke is intrigued in a scary way.

Ashton hugs him tightly, arms around his neck now. Thankfully, he has the brains to keep their hips apart.

“Luke, it’s okay,” he whispers, and Luke kind of wants to laugh but can’t.

“How is it okay,” he asks, too weak to put any inflection into it. “How... How is this entire band just... into each other or some shit?” he adds, voice squeaky and shaky with panic. “Are we all into guys now? I’m not... I don’t get this.”

They both hug him a bit tighter in unison.

“Luke, it’s not a big deal,” Cal whispers from behind him. “It doesn’t have to be this big scary thing, it can just... be us, you know?”

Luke’s laughter sounds forced and maniacal.

“I didn’t even... How long have you been doing this? Feeling this? Am I the only one who’s straight in this band?” Luke fires in quick succession, then stops suddenly.  His traitorous hard-on, the cause of his current thoughts, seems to be calming down in the face of panic. His next question is very timid and now, he feels cold, but on the inside. “Am I even straight? Why don’t I know?”

He swore he was straight a half an hour ago. He’s sworn he was straight all the time. But if his dick is interested in Ashton and Calum’s grinding, if it needs a stern talking-to on some other occasions, what is he really, then? In denial, maybe? Luke didn’t expect a sexuality crisis from this party.

Ashton quietly pets his hair, their cheeks pressed together, and Calum’s fingers are rubbing circles into Luke’s hips, just above the hem of his jeans.  Neither of them answers for a few seconds.

“If you’re questioning it, you might not be,” Ash finally says and gently hushes Luke when he whimpers again. “And that’s fine, that’s... You know. What Cal said, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.”

“It is, though!” Luke replies with surprising ferocity. “I don’t know who the fuck I am and I’m not sure what you are, and what are the fucking odds that four guys in the same band are gay? Moreover, that they’re into each other, fuck!” He’s shivering, still, and it feels like his throat is closing up.

If Cal and Ash feel bad about what he’s said, they don’t show it; their gentle touches don’t waver for a second. Now, Calum says, tone similar to Ashton’s: “I think gay people, like, find each other instinctively. They huddle together. Like penguins. And start bands sometimes.”

Luke can hear Calum’s smile in his voice and lets out a surprised laughter when Calum brings penguins into this.

“Plus, we aren’t even gay. Ash is bi, Michael and I are pan,” Calum adds, and it’s a lot of labels for Luke’s brain to handle.

“I don’t know what I am, though,” Luke says, now calmer but still upset. The penguin comment stopped the shivering, at least.

“You don’t have to know for sure,” Ash replies immediately. “Just do what you’re comfortable with, figure it out over time.”

Luke laughs again, and it still sounds forced.

“And you thought I was _comfortable_ with fooling around with my bandmates? Who I’m supposed to retain a working relationship with? Jesus.”

Ash looks hurt and there’s an apology on Luke’s tongue, but it can’t seem to find its way out. Ash’s eyes are no longer on him, instead they’re looking at his own feet (or maybe Luke’s), so Calum talks now.

“Me and Ash still have an excellent working relationship,” he says as if it’s not a colossal deal, as if he hasn’t officially confirmed the fooling around part of things. “Me and Michael, too. So do Ash and Mikey. No amount of fun is breaking this band apart.”

So, Calum’s implying they’re all in on it, that making out and god knows what else is a practiced, common thing between them. Luke is suddenly hurt by something completely new and puts the sexuality issue on the backburner.

“So, what? All three of you just fool around occasionally? In pairs? All of you at once? Am I the fourth wheel, now?” he asks. A minute ago, he was panicked about doing anything more-than-friendly with his band, and now he’s more worried that they are doing it without him.

“Luke...” Ash says in a very careful way and Luke already knows whatever he’s about to say is not going to be pleasant.

“We’ve tried. We’ve wanted to include you in this, you must have noticed. But you kept pushing us away. You can’t blame us for not including you when you refused to be included,” Ash says, voice level and eyes back on Luke now. Luke huffs, wants to argue, but as usual, Ash makes a lot of sense. So he just sighs and turns his gaze to the ground. Calum drops one hand from Luke’s hip to take his hand and squeeze it.

“We want you to want this,” he says quietly. “If you say no, that’s okay, we’ll back off. But, um... You seemed into it before?” He sounds a bit unsure and awkward about it, a lot like straight bandmates are supposed to feel about each other’s erections, but Luke remembers that they are not straight. Calum isn’t, Ashton isn’t, Michael isn’t.

Luke possibly isn’t either.

“If I say no, you’re just gonna go and get off with each other, right?” he asks. Ash looks bashful and Calum leans his forehead against Luke’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Ash finally says and looks almost apologetic, but also hopeful. Of what, that Luke’s gonna go along with this? He’s nuts. All of this is nuts. “We were gonna head back soon anyway,” he offers, as if that’s supposed to make it sound better. “We weren’t gonna leave you alone in there to go fuck.”

Luke’s laughter is still not sincere, mostly because Ash has mentioned fucking and Luke hadn’t known that was even on the cards. He’d imagined drunken handjobs before stumbling off to respective bedrooms, but this... Ash and Cal fuck, apparently. They probably cuddle afterwards and fall asleep together and it’s blissful and not damaging to the band in any way. Luke may or may not be jealous.

“So, you’re dating? Each other _and_ Michael? Or is it a bros with benefits kind of thing?” he asks, still not giving them an answer about the joining-them thing. He has a right to know these things before he rejects them, or worse, goes along with it. Ashton simply shrugs and Luke can feel Calum do the same before letting go of Luke’s hip and moving to stand next to Ash. He switches hands, but hangs on to Luke’s hand anyway; his other hand worms around Ash in a natural kind of way.

“It doesn't really matter,” he says easily. “It’s about feeling good, and as long as we feel good around each other, there’s no point in making it difficult.”

“Do you, like, love each other?” Luke keeps prodding, and he doesn’t miss the way Ash’s cheeks turn red. Calum carries on with his casual attitude, “Of course we do. We all love each other, we have for years. We love you, too, and you love us.” He squeezes Luke’s fingers as proof or something.

“It’s different though,” Luke argues, eyes travelling to Ash’s face, but Ash only smiles at him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Nothing’s gonna go wrong. We love each other like we always have. This is just... fun.”

Luke has run out of things to say, to put a decision off with. There’s an urgency within him when he thinks about the fact that Cal and Ash are doing things no matter what he says, that in a way, it doesn’t matter if Luke is there or not. It makes him sigh, run his free hand through his hair and stare at the ground, hoping for sage advice from the pavement. He tries to put his thoughts in order, but they keep getting jumbled, so finally, he lifts his eyes again, uncertainty clear in them. Ashton leans close almost instinctively.

The thing is, now that Luke allows himself to think about it, that it’s not about aesthetics with his band. He truly loves his boys with all his heart. But enough to go to bed with them, really? It feels like a tall order. At the same time, he wants to stay close to Calum and Ashton, and Michael, too, and the fear of missing out is stronger than ever before. He doesn’t want to be left alone while Cal and Ash do god knows what in one of their hotel rooms. He wants to be there. And it freaks him the hell out.

Calum looks at Luke expectantly, and Luke doesn’t panic as much anymore when he leans closer. “You in, then?” Calum asks a few inches from his lips. Luke seems frozen for a second, looks at both of them, but then nods, unsure and jerky at first and then sure of himself. He can’t be left out. He’s sure they won’t throw them in the deep end. He’s probably not expected to jump right in, dick first. They are his best friends, they know him. They’ll be good to him, in whatever way it will turn out to be.

Calum smiles brightly, squeezes Luke’s fingers again, and slides his arm from around Ashton to Luke’s neck. His thumb caresses Luke’s cheek, and then they’re kissing.

Calum tastes like Coke, mostly, with a hint of rum, and feels soft against him, no beard or anything. Almost like a girl, but not, definitely not. It feels strangely right, familiar in a way it shouldn’t be. Luke calms down after a few moments, reaches his free hand in Ashton’s general direction to ground himself and deal with the fact he’s being kissed by a boy right now. Ash grabs it quickly enough. Luke is holding hands with both of them now, and it feels tethering. How weird that his method of escaping from his gay panic is holding hands with not one, but two boys. When Calum pulls away, he’s beaming, and Luke smiles at him, then at Ashton.

“Poor Michael’s gonna have to hold my foot,” he cracks a joke, feeling the need to dissolve the tension, and Ash laughs before leaning in, too. Of course he also wants a kiss, it’s pretty much natural. Luke gives it to him, notes how Ashton’s stubble does relatively little to change his feelings about everything.

“I’m so happy,” Ashton whispers, leaning his forehead against Luke’s, and Luke smiles again. Yeah, he can do this. Of course he can. He loves them both, and Michael, too. He can do whatever they want. It’s okay.

So he’s probably not straight, and that’s okay, too.

“Let’s go home,” Ash says quietly, and Luke smiles. “Home” is a hotel room a ten minute cab ride away, but it’s sweet of Ash to say, anyway. Calum makes sure Luke’s okay before fishing his phone out of his pocket to order a taxi. When he gets the notification that the cab is on its way, he presses a kiss to Luke’s cheek. “Let’s get our jackets,” he says, but Luke holds him back by the hand he’s still holding.

“Um,” Luke begins and he can feel his cheeks light up. “Can you... Can you guys kiss again?” he finally spits out, shyly looking back up at Ash, who is less likely to laugh.

Neither of them laughs. Ashton only smiles very gently, squeezes Luke’s hand and then turns to Calum. “I guess it won’t kill us,” Cal jokes, but his free hand, still holding his phone, wraps around Ash and Ash cups his cheek with the hand that’s not in Luke’s. Calum’ smile turns very soft for a second and then they are kissing, not in the obnoxious making-out way they were before, but very softly. Lovingly. It makes Luke’s insides tingle and he blushes a bit. He feels like he’s invading, but that disappears instantly when they squeeze his hands in unison. They’re scarily coordinated.

Ash finally pulls away with a smile, rubs his thumb over Calum’s lower lip and turns to Luke. Luke laughs quietly, and now it’s a real, genuine chuckle. Calum tugs on his hand, and now Luke can follow him back inside to get their jackets, other hand safe in Ashton’s grip.

He sits between Cal and Ash on the way back to the hotel. Calum holds his hand the whole way, drawing patterns on the back of it with the index finger of his free hand, and Ash talks to him quietly. It’s mostly encouragements and sweet words.

“We’ve wanted to be with you for a long time,” is one of those lines and Luke notices how Ash doesn’t define what that _being_ entails. “Listen, Michael is going to flip when he finds out. He’s been... He’s wanted you most, and that... That’s saying something.” Calum illustrates it by running a hand up Luke’s thigh, and Luke is very proud when that doesn’t make him flinch. It’s still scary, this, and Luke still thinks it might ruin things, but he wants it anyway. Even if it’s dumb and selfish, he wants them, too, and he feels so dumb for ignoring it for so long, for hiding behind his fear and keeping himself from whatever tonight will turn out to be.

They make it to their hotel and Luke’s head is still a mess of thoughts and fears, but he deals with it. Ashton wraps an arm around Luke and guides him to his room while Calum leaves them after kissing them both, an excited smile on his face. “Mikey’s gonna be so happy,” he whispers to Luke and speedwalks to Michael’s door. Ash grins after him, but then opens the door to his room, leaves it unlocked for Michael and Calum.

“You good?” he asks Luke very casually, but Luke gets his meaning – Ash needs consent or something. Having thought for a moment, he nods. “It’s just... scary and new, is all,” he adds and Ashton smiles in understanding.

“I know what you mean,” he replies, suddenly quieter. “You know, what Cal said to you before... About this not having to be a big deal? He said pretty much the same thing to me when we... started this. And then Michael, too.” Ashton smiles very fondly.

“So Calum got the party started? That minx,” Luke replies, quietly laughing, and Ashton laughs, too.

“Yep,” he confirms. “He’s very persuasive.”

Luke’s laugh dies down very naturally, melts into a smile when Ash sits next to him on his huge bed, pulling him closer.

“I can’t believe you want to do this,” Ash says, looking at him in wonder.

“Yeah, me neither,” Luke has to agree, then frowns for a second. “What is _this_ , even? Like, should I prepare for gags or handcuffs?” he asks, and it’s jokey, but Luke’s sincere. Ashton laughs, but understands the sincerity.

“Don’t worry,” he begins. “It’s gonna be whatever you want it to be. We’re not gonna push you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know if I’m, like... Ready for, um...” Luke stutters, suddenly very interested in his hands resting on his lap.

“Anal?” Ashton offers helpfully and laughs at the way Luke’s gaze whips right back to him. He soothes the brashness with a kiss to Luke’s shoulder. “Like I said, we won’t push you,” he adds as a comfort. “We’d all be fine if you just wanted to kiss us.”

“But you’re gonna fuck,” Luke guesses, and Ash nods straight away, not skirting around it. Then, he adds with a smirk, “That’s not, like, something to live up to, though. Me and Cal are... seasoned pros.”

“Jesus,” Luke replies with a startled laugh and means to ask _how_ seasoned exactly, but then, the door bursts open and in flies Michael, Calum laughing behind him.

“Give him to me,” Michael says, almost frantic, and breaks into the widest grin when his gaze finds Luke. Not even two seconds later, Michael lands on his lap, puts both hands on Luke’s cheeks and kisses him hard. He tastes strongly of vodka – he must have raided the minibar before coming over, but Luke totally gets the need for an encouraging drink – and he’s more forceful than Cal or Ash. “Oh my god,” he whispers when he pulls away. “You’re here, you’re...” He shakes Luke’s head in his hands a little and Luke laughs, his hands resting on Michael’s hips.

“I’m here,” he confirms and kisses Michael again briefly. Michael smiles at him like he hung the moon and the stars.

“You want us? All of us?” Michael asks, like he still can’t believe it, and Luke pulls him into a hug.

“I do,” he whispers into it. “I was just scared. Still am.”

“I know, it’s okay, it’s still a bit of a mess for me, too,” Michael replies, and then kisses him again.

“Love you,” he says after the kiss and he looks intense and serious about it, but it doesn’t feel like a true declaration of love. This is a heat-of-the-moment thing, and that, Luke can handle. Any more than that and he might get cold feet. Sex is one thing, feelings are another, and Luke is not ready for feelings. Not the deep ones.

“Love you too, Mikey,” he replies, a phrase he’s used in different, less sexual situations before, and Michael hides his face into his neck, smiling wide.

Now, Luke gets to pay attention to Ashton and Calum again, and he only feels a second of uncertainty when he finds Calum straddling Ash, Ash’s hand down his pants. Calum is looking right at them, slowly grinding against Ashton, and he smiles when he catches Luke’s gaze. Luke remembers that this is his reality now, dicks and kissing and watching Ash give Cal a handjob, and accepts it. Part of that decision is the fact that Michael is now kissing his neck.

“You wanna do this?” Mikey asks after a few of those kisses, and Luke nods.

“But not, like... Just... Um, handjobs are enough, maybe,” he says carefully, as if he’s scared to disappoint, but Michael only smiles.

“Of course. Whatever you want,” he says easily.

Calum moans next to them, and Luke lifts his gaze again.

“Clothes off,” Ashton says to Calum in a low almost-growl and something in Luke’s stomach turns very nicely at the sound. He looks at Michael for a second, pushes him away gently.

“I’ll help,” he offers and both Cal and Ash smile widely at him. Michael doesn’t look too disappointed at his loss, crawls over to Ashton instead, and Luke catches a glimpse of them kissing before Calum’s in front of him.

“Help me, then,” he says with a grin and kisses Luke, too, and so Luke isn’t even too scared about taking Calum’s shirt off. He’s seen Calum naked plenty of times, this is not even the first time he’s undressing him, but it’s never been in this context. He’s never been looked at like this, he’s never been touched so gently while he’s doing it. Luke smiles shyly when he’s dropped Calum’s shirt to the floor, and Calum smiles back so brightly his eyes get all crinkly. He takes Luke’s hands then, guides them to the front of his jeans.

“You okay?” he asks, just in case, and god, Luke loves that they’re all looking after him, making sure he’s completely on board with this. He nods, lets out a quiet “yeah” when Calum still looks questioning, and to prove a point, he opens the button of Calum’s jeans. Calum smiles and leans closer to kiss him, and that way it’s so much easier to go for the zipper, to push Calum’s jeans down to his thighs. Calum takes it from there, steps out of them with minimal effort, then kisses Luke again, guiding him back towards the bed.

As soon as Luke lands on it with a thump, Ashton emerges from where he’s been kissing Michael. Not only kissing, it appears, since his jeans are also unbuttoned and Michael’s sweatpants, well, um... They’re not good for boner-hiding purposes. Luke notices that, too, before Ashton kisses him now, hands sneaking under his shirt.

“Can I take it off?” Ash asks in a whisper when he pulls away for a breath, and now, Luke’s answering nod is vigorous. He feels like he’s behind the others, like he’s playing catch-up. Which is probably normal, since the others have way more experience in this field, but... still. Luke wants to be included. He honestly, truly does. He kisses Ash again when his shirt is off, and then, in an act of bravery, grabs hold of Ashton’s ass. It’s firm under his grip, muscles tightening at the surprising touch, and Ashton hums very appreciatively.

“Luke,” Michael says from somewhere further away, sounding a bit strangled. Luke lifts his head, which makes Ash redirect his kisses to his neck, and Luke is very much okay with that.

“Mikey,” he replies quietly and totally understands Michael’s voice – he sounds just as wrecked. Michael lets out something close to a whine, kisses Calum once more and then climbs on the bed. Ash gives his position up quite willingly, smiling warmly at Luke before he leaves. Michael’s sweatpants are still not hiding anything and Luke finds himself yearning to touch, too. To touch and be touched – right now it seems like his is the only dick that hasn’t gotten any attention yet. Luke wants to change that, now. He’s ready for it, he thinks.

Calum joins them on the bed and Luke catches a glimpse of Ash by his suitcase. Luke gulps when he realises what he’s looking for, but a look at Michael and Calum calms him down again.

“Nothing I’m not ready for, yeah?” he asks to confirm and Calum kisses him instantly, hooking their pinkies briefly. Michael is pressing his lips to his neck over and over again, gently nipping at the sensitive skin.

“Promise. We’ve only just won you over, we’re not gonna risk scaring you off,” Calum says solemnly, then sneaks a hand between his legs to counteract it. Luke’s breath hitches when Calum cups him through his jeans.

“That’s okay, right?” Calum asks, worried for a second, then smiling when Luke groans out a “yes”, vigorously nodding.

“I think... Um, you should kiss,” Luke says, finding it increasingly difficult to form words, and Calum breaks out into a wide smile.

“I’m _so_ down with this voyeurism thing you seem to have,” he says with a mischievous glint in his eyes and then turns to face Michael. There’s something intense in his look.

“You’re just hot,” Luke protests weakly, grabbing Michael’s hand in the process. Michael smiles back at him, then turns to make out with Calum, right above Luke’s face. Calum’s hand doesn’t stop – it slides a fraction upwards to deal with Luke’s button and zipper, and then slips inside. Now there’s just boxers separating skin from skin, and Luke groans loudly again, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You’re so loud, I love it,” Ash whispers right next to him and Luke’s eyes fly open again. Mikey and Cal are still making out above him and Calum’s hand is still down his pants, so it feels like everything has an Instagram filter over it. Colours brighter than Luke’s used to, everything fading away at the edges. Why is Luke even thinking about Instagram? He should be kissing Ashton back, so he does.

Ash pulls back in a short while, smiling. “Cal, you’re with me?” he asks, gaze higher now, and Calum nods.

“I don’t think Mikey would let me get to Luke first,” he replies with a laugh, kisses first Michael and then Luke, squeezes Luke’s fingers again.

“Damn right,” Michael replies and leans closer to Luke. “I wanna be the first one who gets to touch you,” he whispers. Luke suppresses a shiver.

“Yeah, please,” he replies and Michael smiles so happily, kisses him again.

“I can’t believe you’re really here, I’ve been hoping and waiting for so long,” he says quietly when he pulls away, sliding Luke’s jeans down his legs, dropping them on the floor by the bed. “I was so scared you’d never want this.”

Luke feels a bit out of place with all this praise; Michael’s been wanting him so much and it’s pretty scary being wanted like this, especially since he couldn’t even have imagined this a few hours ago. It feels like he’s getting more than he’s giving, and Luke thinks he’s being unfair. He grabs hold of Michael’s hand again, whines a little. Michael smiles at him so gently. Luke rarely sees him like this. Only with his band, his boys, is he ever this way, all soft and happy like a kitten.

“I’m... I don’t know what any of this is,” Luke admits, feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks. “I thought I was straight three hours ago, so.” He doesn’t finish the sentence, feeling ashamed. Michael looks at him, eyes wide.

“You... You are sure about this, though, right? They didn’t... pressure you?” Michael glances at Cal and Ash really quickly, making sure they didn’t hear. Luke shakes his head without hesitating.

“No, no. I mean, they did, um, nudge me in the right direction? But I’m here because I want to be here,” he replies honestly. Michael smiles sincerely again, squeezes his fingers before letting him go.

“Good,” he says and goes back to kissing Luke’s neck, then his jaw, then neck again, then moves down to his chest. They’re all gentle, slow kisses, as if he’s easing Luke into this, and Luke is beyond grateful. He probably needs to be eased into this.

Since no one is blocking his vision with kisses and overall proximity for the first time in a while, Luke gets to look at the other boys. Calum is closer than he expected, immediately to his left, face down on the bed – Luke could hold his hand if he felt like it. Calum has got his eyes squeezed shut and he’s producing quiet needy noises at whatever Ash is doing to him – since Ash is kneeling behind him and one of his hands is out of Luke’s field of vision, Luke can imagine what it is – but after a few moments Calum opens his eyes, as if he sensed someone’s gaze on him.

“Hi,” he whispers and actually does reach a hand out. Luke grabs it with a smile, says “hey” back. Calum smiles, too, but he moans halfway through it, squeezes Luke’s fingers inadvertently. Luke is curious, he can’t help it.

“Does it feel good?” he asks quietly. Ash smiles at him and even Michael looks up for a second, flicks his tongue over Luke’s nipple. Luke whines.

“So good,” Calum replies blissfully.

“He’s so weak for it,” Ash comments with a chuckle and Luke is momentarily sidetracked by the movements of his arm, the fingers of which are actually _inside_ Calum. It does look like it might be good possibly, but not tonight. Not yet.

His attention snaps instantly back to Michael when the boy lifts the waistband of his boxers. Okay, so it’s time to get super naked, and Luke wants it but he’s scared anyway. Michael senses it, asks him, “Can I?” and Luke nods after thinking it over for a second.

“Words, Luke,” Michael reminds him and presses a kiss to Luke’s tummy.

“Yeah, please,” Luke says with confidence this time, having already decided. Michael smiles, presses his lips right below Luke’s belly button again, and then gets rid of Luke’s boxers. He grins up at Luke and pulls Luke’s socks off, too, flings them across the room. The dork.

There’s a moment where Luke feels something akin to shame. He’s stark naked in front of his bandmates, which is not technically new, but it’s shockingly different to all the previous times. Then he comes back to earth, remembers that Calum and Ash are also very much naked, that only Michael is still dressed.

“You, too,” Luke says to start fixing that mistake, but also to get Michael’s attention away from his dick. It’s weird to be ogled at, even if Michael will probably touch it very soon. Michael does lift his gaze, then smiles and gets up to quickly get rid of his shirt, then his sweatpants. He’s gone commando, which is standard for a lazy night in, but Luke is still a bit surprised that Michael is naked this quickly. Michael grins at him, shameless about his nudity, and rejoins Luke on the bed. The kiss they share is next-level, the knowledge that there are just inches between their bodies never leaving Luke’s mind. Nevertheless, he kisses Michael back fervently, tugging on his hair a bit. Michael groans through the kiss and Luke takes note of it. He needs to know what makes his bandmates tick if this is going to keep happening. Which it probably will. Luke has already agreed to a next time in his head.

Ash is putting on a condom now, giving Calum a rare moment of freedom, and Cal uses it to crawl closer to Luke. “Hey,” he says happily, letting his head rest right next to Luke’s, and Michael pulls away so Luke can smile at him. Michael’s hand is travelling down Luke’s chest, takes a detour to play with one of his nipples, and Cal seems happy to see what Luke’s face does in response. Calum lifts a hand to brush over Luke’s cheekbone and Luke blushes. Ash is approaching Calum again, a smile on his face when he looks at all of them.

“Spank Cal for me,” Michael offers with a smirk and Luke witnesses Calum’s answering smile. Kinky bastards, the lot of them. Luke’s curiosity keeps growing.

“Love you, Mikey,” Calum says and it’s very sincere. Ash laughs at them both and fulfils the order, bringing his hand down on Calum’s arse. The sound rings loud in the room. Calum squeezes his eyes shut, moans loudly, but it develops into a sort of a high-pitched whine when Ash once again focuses on the task at hand. That task being sticking his dick in Calum. Luke can’t keep his eyes away. He watches it bloom on Calum’s face, instinctively knows what Ash is doing just by looking at him. It still freaks him out a little that his best friends are having sex right next to him, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make something coil in his stomach.

Michael is touching him gently, barely running his fingers over his skin, and Luke suddenly wants more. He turns his attention back to Mikey, smiles at him. Michael is encouraged by this, lets his fingers slip downward, teasing for a few moments before they close around his dick. Luke lets out a gasp at this, almost immediately mirrored by Calum who’s watching them.

“I can’t believe,” he says, not getting any further with it until Ashton’s movements make him drift off into a moan. Luke smiles at him briefly, then turns back to Michael. Mikey’s eyes drift toward Cal and Ash, too, and Luke can see how much he wants something like this, too. Luke feels bad for a second, that instead of fucking or getting fucked Michael has to settle with giving Luke a handjob, but Michael looks back at him with a smile, leans over him again.

“This is good,” he says, as if sensing Luke’s uncertainty, and pecks Luke’s lips for comfort.

“You’re beautiful like this,” he whispers then and smiles when a blush spreads over Luke’s face again. Michael is one to talk – he looks gorgeous hovering over him. Luke wants to see him look like Calum, all beautifully wrecked and almost endlessly whimpering-moaning next to him, and realises that is technically within his powers. It takes him a second to be sure, to make the decision, but then he slips his left hand into Michael’s hair again, while the right one finds Michael’s dick without much difficulty. Luke might be nervous and slightly drunk and a little high on the way Michael’s touching him, but his grasp on the male anatomy is firm, much like the grasp he has on Michael’s dick, now. Luke is scared for a second.

His worries are eased immediately when he looks at Michael, sees the mix of surprise and relief on his face. Michael smiles at him, a bit sex-crazed and wobbly, throws his head back for a second, but then leans in to kiss Luke, dirtier and more desperate than before. Luke tries tugging on his hair again and Michael moans louder than before, pulls away to sink his teeth into Luke’s neck. It stings but in a really nice way, and Luke’s attention is elsewhere, anyway. Something in his stomach starts to build and if Luke’s gonna ruin the moment by coming within a minute, he’s leaving the band and the planet, probably.

Michael pulls away from his neck and Luke notes Michael looks like a mess already. It eases his worries about not lasting long enough, knowing he’s not the only one who’s already gone for it. Determinedly, he focuses harder on the rhythm he has going on Michael’s dick, and Michael groans, leans his head on Luke chest to gently bite it.

“Shit, Luke,” he says and Luke grins, proud he gets to do this, that he made Michael feel like this. “I’m not gonna... Oh, god, stop,” Michael whines and Luke laughs quietly, relenting just a tiny bit.

“Oh my god, Michael, you’re so gone for him,” a voice comes from nearby and Luke turns his head the slightest to look at Ashton, hands on Calum, but eyes on his other two bandmates. He decides to not question the implication of those words or the fact that Michael’s only response is a drawn-out whine. Instead, he focuses on Calum, who’s right next to him, one hand in Luke’s hair. Calum looks fucked out and completely blissful, which makes Luke feel calmer about all of this once again.

He’s brought back to Michael quite abruptly, when Michael leans close to his ear. Luke expects another compliment, maybe, or something akin to that, but no.

“Can I suck you off?” Michael asks, his whisper sounding almost pained. “Please,” he tacks on to it, as if Luke isn’t willing to jump into the deep end right away by now. He’d probably do most things Michael wanted him to.

“Yeah, yeah,” Luke says between ragged breaths, pulls Michael close for a kiss before letting him go. Calum and Ashton apparently didn’t hear the exchange, because when Michael’s lips start trailing down Luke’s chest, Calum lets out a strangled moan.

“Shit, are you gonna...?” he asks, emphases and inflection in weird places like he’s no longer quite controlling his brain. Luke remembers that Calum’s moans and whimpers and cut-off breaths have been a constant soundtrack to all of this, too natural and right to stick out wrong or obvious to him in the sex-haze. There’s so much happening, he can’t be expected to take note of everything!

Michael looks up at Calum, grins devilishly.

“I am,” he says, lips still brushing against Luke’s tummy, and Calum and Ashton both groan at that.

“That’s awesome,” Calum notes, and Luke lets out a little giggle at that.

“Do you always talk this much during sex?” he asks all of them. They’ve all been trading compliments and questions and suggestions and Luke’s impression of sex is suddenly a lot less Victorian. He never thought of sex as a conversation. His question gets a laugh out of them, Ashton’s turning breathless very quickly. Luke wonders briefly what it must be like, feeling some laugh via your dick. He almost wants to try.

“It’s more fun when we talk,” Calum finally says with a grin, speech still a bit slurred and funny-sounding. “More us. I don’t think I could have serious quiet sex with you guys.”

Luke has to agree – he can’t imagine how weird this would be if none of them said anything. Too intense, too real. This feels like a banding activity, like every other thing they do together, except dicks are involved.

Luke is reminded just how much dicks are involved when Michael digs his fingers into Luke’s hip to get his attention and then just takes Luke’s dick in his mouth without ceremony, eyes on him the entire time. Luke can say nothing but a very breathy “fuck” while shoving his fingers into Michael’s bright hair. Calum lets out an only slightly more comprehensible “shiiiiit”, eyes unwaveringly on Luke’s dick. Luke chances a quick look at Ashton – he’s looking at them, eyes almost glossed over, one hand on Calum’s arse, the other between his legs. Michael seems happy with the response, starts sucking eagerly, and Luke sort of imagines his brain instantly liquefying and oozing out of his ears. Blowjobs tend to have this effect on him in general, but this is Michael, this is his very best friend and band mate and partner for life, probably. One of three. Luke would probably propose to all of them right now, but his brain is entirely incapable of producing words. How did Calum manage?

Calum, as if sensing he’s being thought about, suddenly appears in Luke’s field of vision, a bit bouncy with the rhythm Ashton has created. Calum smiles at him a bit weakly before kissing him. Luke feels like he’s half-assing it, like his lips aren’t obeying at all, but Calum seems satisfied anyway, keeps on stealing kisses from him.

“So pretty,” he whispers between those kisses, squeezing his eyes shut at something Ashton does to him. Luke smiles, runs his free hand through Calum’s hair.

“You are,” he replies and Calum’s face is very soft.

“Calum,” Ashton says with a shaky voice from further away. “Calum, shit,” he adds eloquently and Cal grins at Luke.

“Come on, Ash, babe,” he says, voice still wavering but there’s a sort of pornstarry quality to it, Luke thinks. Michael is doing something indescribable to his dick right now, but he needs to see this, tugs on Michael’s hair just a little, hoping that conveys his message. He’s not sure if it works, but two seconds later, Ash thrusts particularly hard, so hard that Calum and Luke almost knock heads, and there’s nothing but utter bliss on his face. Ash’s O-face is surprisingly composed, his mouth a tiny bit slack, eyes closed, a strained moan escaping him. Calum seems to feel it, because he moans, too, reaches out a hand to squeeze Ashton’s for a second. Ash seems to be in a daze, his hand falling off Calum’s dick, and Calum whines a little at the loss but doesn’t demand anything from Ash yet.

“He’s always a bit lost when he comes,” he whispers to Luke like a secret, grinning, then winces when Ash pulls out of him. Luke watches him press a kiss to Calum’s lower back and stumble towards the bin, then turns back to Michael.

“There’s so many of you, I don’t know who to pay attention to,” he says, sounding a bit lost himself, and Michael lets out a humming laugh, not pulling away. So that’s pretty much what that feels like, then. Luke feels dizzy with how good it is. He wants so much more.

“Cal,” he says between heavy breaths. “Come here, wanna...” he continues, running his hand down Calum’s arm and smiles a sleepy kind of smile when Calum follows his train of thought.

“Shit, yeah, okay,” he says nodding, then thinks before swapping sides so Luke can use his right hand. He’s kind of shivering with excitement. Ash gets back to them, then, falls down next to Michael, looks at him all curiously. Luke can kind of guess what he’s planning, but to Michael, a hand around his dick is a complete surprise. Luke smiles at Ash when Michael hums around him, surprised, and his stomach feels all funny. He turns back to Calum, smiling at him, too, and slides his hand up Calum’s thigh until he reaches Calum’s dick.

Calum sounds surprised about it, like he didn’t expect Luke to go through with it, but Luke isn’t offended. Instead, he focuses his efforts on stroking Calum evenly and pushing back the feeling in his stomach for a few more precious moments. Calum loves it, moaning quietly, a quiver in his thighs showing how close he is.

Soon, though, Luke’s movements get a little jerky – Michael’s been steadily humming around his dick for a while now and it’s so hard to resist. “Michael, gonna...” he manages to say, all broken and mangled like Calum was before. It’s probably nice to warn people about these things. Michael flashes a clouded look at him, but doesn’t pull away, and Luke doesn’t have the strength to fight his decision. He comes a few seconds later, and Michael swallows it all.

His hand on Calum’s dick goes a bit weak, so Calum takes the matter into his own hands, literally. He sounds so close, so lost in it when he wraps his fingers around Luke’s, jerks himself rougher and faster, and follows soon after, coming all over Luke’s chest with a broken “Luke, oh shit, Luke...!” Luke’s not even mad – he’s too spent to care.

When he comes back to his senses, it’s to Michael sitting up, Ashton right behind him, one hand on his hip and the other on his dick, jerking him fast and rough, whispering something into his ear. They look very hot together, Luke notes. Michael looks almost tortured in a beautiful way, and Luke can tell he’s so close to coming. In a moment of inspiration, he tugs Calum closer by the neck, kisses him filthily, all tongues and a slow, dirty rhythm, and Michael lets out a beautiful moan. Calum pulls away with a wicked grin at just the right moment, as if he’s proud of Luke’s idea, and they both get to watch Michael come undone, too. He does it with quivering thighs and a loud, high-pitched moan, something almost pained in his expression. Luke gets covered in more cum and this time, he whines about it half-heartedly.

When Michael is done, Ashton kisses his temple in a soothing way – Michael is gasping for breath and shaking a little – but then climbs up the bed to kiss Luke right on the mouth. They haven’t touched each other in a while, Luke remembers, and he wraps an arm around Ashton’s neck as a _welcome back_.

“You were amazing,” Ash whispers to him gently when he pulls away, caressing his cheek. “This was incredible. So different with you here.”

Luke blushes under the praise, pets Ashton’s hair as a response. Calum gets up from next to them, presses a kiss in to Ash’s hair so that his lips brush Luke’s fingers, too, and gets up, probably to kiss Michael. Luke is happy about that. They all deserve kisses.

“Thanks,” he whispers, eyes wandering before settling back onto Ashton. “For, um, making me see... things.”

Ashton laughs quietly in response.

“I’m glad you did see things. That you want this, too. Would’ve sucked to leave you out of it forever.”

Luke nods.

“I would’ve joined out of pure jealousy, I think, even if I was straight,” he adds as an afterthought and Ashton lets out an unattractive snort. It’s still endearing.

“Love you,” Ash whispers and Luke smiles wide.

“Love you, too,” he replies.

“Give him to me,” Michael’s voice calls out for the second time that night, and Ash pulls away with a smile. Michael looks a bit dazed, still, but there’s a washcloth in his hand and he looks like he means business. He leaves the washcloth on Luke’s stomach for a second, leans closer to kiss him. He tastes like mint with an undertone of something slightly bitter that isn’t the vodka. Luke can guess what that is, but he appreciates Michael’s mouthwash all the same. When Michael is done with kissing, he cleans Luke up diligently, not letting himself be distracted by Calum who keeps giving him little kisses. It’s very cute.

Michael cuddles up right next to him when he’s dropped the washcloth to the floor, and Luke lets himself be wrangled into a little spoon. Calum and Ashton are doing the same thing right next to them, and Luke is intrigued by the fact that Calum is the submissive sex partner but the big spoon. Or is he really submissive? He might be a true power bottom, Luke doesn’t really know. Yet.

“Love you,” Calum whispers after he’s tugged the blanket over all of them, and it might be meant for all of them, but he’s looking at Luke from over Ashton’s shoulder when he says it. Ashton repeats the words with a smile, grabs Calum’s fingers with one hand and Luke’s with the other. Michael pets Ash’s fingers for a few seconds, then wraps his arm stronger around Luke. Luke squeezes Ashton’s fingers, smiles at him gently, and Ash squeezes back.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you times a million if you made it here! comments make me scream in a happy way so pls pls? and if you wanna you can find me on [tumblr](http://whoisliina.tumblr.com) as well.


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